


Small Voices

by PhantoMichaelis



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Angst, Depressive Thoughts, First time i mention and acknowledge the twin haha, M/M, brief mention of sex, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 07:45:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11869779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantoMichaelis/pseuds/PhantoMichaelis
Summary: I wanted to write about Ciel's own personal demons, and I'm not talking about Sebastian..





	Small Voices

_Small voices that tells you what to do, small voices that sometimes overwhelm you.._

They murmur against his ear in an unfaltering constant. Right after he woke up, stating how he shouldn’t have; As he ate, warning him about poison that wasn’t even there.. The loudest they are is during every night fall, once the butler blows out the only light illuminating the room and bid his goodbye with a slight bow.

He tried his best to shut them up, he really did; covered both ears with his palms like a child, buried the entirety of his face against his pillow, and burrowed under the thick covers as though hiding from the unknown. Still, they bombarded him with statements that left him paralyzed with fear, informing him how his demon wouldn’t be of use should something decide to grab him and lock him in a cage once more. Saying he was frail, sickly, and most likely would just hurt himself trying to fight back.

That he was alone with his miserable little self once more..

_Small voices that just wouldn’t go away, small voices that constantly tries to lead you astray._

Come morning, they start all over again. Each time he fails to accomplish something with the grace of an Earl should have, they tell him it was expected; because he was bound to be a failure from the very start.

Whenever he doubts himself secretly, when that inkling of insecurity starts to gnaw at him, they nod their heads in agreement; telling him that there was a reason why he wasn’t the one who’d originally inherit the title and the manor.

They remind him of how much better his twin could handle any situation, how much more inferior he was compared to him even after his death and despite of what he had to go through just to take his place.

He accepts all of these; because in his mind, they were only stating the truth..

_Small voices that won’t let you enjoy, small voices that just aim to destroy.._

Even amidst the throes of passion, as he tried to drown out every anguish by completely submitting himself to Sebastian’s hands, they still spectate.

He dug his blunt nails down the demon’s back in hopes of transferring even the slightest bit of his pain and misery, which all proved to be pointless, as they mocked him by mimicking his wanton cries for more, harder, for anything that’ll render him numb even just for a heartbeat.

The peak of his orgasm momentarily silence them, only to venomously retort back once he started coming down from his high. Claiming that that’ll be the best he could ever offer this world; being his demon’s own personal whore..

_Small voices that urges you to snap, small voices that tell you to just give up._

They are the very reason as to why he’s in a constant sour mood. Why he blurted out words that made Finny cry and sulk for a day.

“You’re useless..” He said, just like how they constantly do.

“You’re only making things worse.” With this, the poor boy ran away crying, not knowing his master meant to tell that to his own self..

That night he held a mirror in front of his face, his left eye devoid of the usual silk cloth that covers the insignia of his covenant with the devil. The pentagram that signifies his power over a creature much more superior than his kind, his ace, his weapon and his shield..

But no matter how sharp the knife is, if one is not capable enough to wield it then nothing awaits the owner but death.. 

Sebastian saved the wrong child, he bargained for the wrong soul and asked the wrong one to be his master. His twin would have confidently completed his vengeance by then, would have punished whoever had dared sully his family’s noble line. 

He might be the one holding the sharpest, deadliest knife, but he couldn’t even hold it properly as his hands were trembling from all of the doubt and insecurity that the voices had been whispering to him.

Sitting amidst the pristine white bed and the calm silence of the night, he dreaded how the white sheets would be stained red after he was done. What a pain would it be for Sebastian to wash the stains off afterwards.

He held the silver gun tighter, gripping the black handle and placing the weapon parallel to his right temple, with only about a centimeter gap between the nuzzle and his skin.

He had no one to bid his farewell to, no one would mourn his death and grieve his loss, not the people who conveyed their praises and admiration, for they’re the very ones who stabs him with rotten words behind his back.

He closed both eyes, squeezing them tight as hard as how he pulled the trigger, the deafening sound of a gunshot ringing against his ear and tearing the silence apart at its wake.

He expected darkness and eternal numbness.. The lack of pain soon after but alas, none of it came..

He could feel his chest booming, something he should not have been able to, for even a single heartbeat signifies life. 

Slowly, he willed himself to open his eyes. The sight of an outstretched arm towards where he had positioned the gun compelled him to roll his eyes up and meet the owner of the unmoving limb.

“Quite the spectacle you tried pulling off, young master.” Said the demon, eyes blazing like hell fire and contrasting the calm tone that he spoke out his words.

“An utter boring end, worthy of someone unlike you, do you think not? I expected more from the prey I’ve chosen to hunt..” He added upon the younger one’s silence, retracting the hand that had caught the bullet through the small gap between the gun and his temple.

He could feel himself trembling, felt like crying only the tears never came, from how close he actually was to ending his own life and from the realization of how the fiend from hell would react from his least clever stunt yet; but any signs with regards to the demon’s violent wrath, like what he was expecting, never came. 

Faster than he could ever blink, he was encased tightly within a set of protective arms and under the warm covers once more, back pressed comfortably to the broad chest. He tried wriggling his way to face the demon only to be instructed softly instead.

“Sleep. You’ve had an exhausting day.” The creature whispered against his ear, followed by phrases soaked with honeyed words that a demon should not ever have the audacity to convey with such sincerity as Sebastian just had.

Making his mismatched eyes widen for the small voices halted all of a sudden; can be heard no more as they dulled out and was overwhelmed by his demon’s sonorous voice..


End file.
